Leta Stevens

LIFESTYLE

Heartbreak Open

I just watched the movie EAT PRAY LOVE after about a 5+ year hiatus. EAT PRAY LOVE, for those of you who have not seen it, is a film adapted from an Elizabeth Gilbert novel, that follows a successful writer as she spends a year abroad hoping to find herself and reignite her fire after a failed marriage. First she eats, then she prays, then she loves. It’s a beautiful story of moving on, of forgiveness, of finding balance, of self-love, and… of giving up the ever-sought after “balance” of life for love.

Within 36 hours of re-watching this movie, I was told by the man I’ve been dating for the past 5 months that he no longer wants to continue this relationship.

*Feels like she was just punched in the stomach*

We’ve all been there… a heart-shattered, cry-yourself-to-sleep-at-night break up. It hurts. You try to carry on, but little things remind you of him (or her), whether it’s the song on the radio or the shirt you sleep in… there’s a twinge of pain and more tears. You wonder what went wrong or if you could have done anything differently to have avoided the ending to your relationship. You ask yourself, “Is it me? Is something wrong with me?” You feel unwanted, unloved, and so debilitatingly alone. This is me right now.

But when we take a step back and really examine all of the heartbreaks we’ve gone through in our lives… what does heartbreak truly give us? Heartbreak literally creates space in your heart.

Your heart breaks… cracks… crumbles… your heart opens… and what is left is space.

It breaks you open.

First, it feels like a void. It’s painful to have that open, empty space… the space that this person once occupied. It feels like part of you is missing. Your heart literally aches over this emptiness.

But it’s not a void.

It’s a space to fill with new dreams, new memories, and new people.

The cracks in your heart let in light + love.

Heartbreak hurts. Like. Damn. It really f*cking hurts. I’m not trying to dispute that fact. But heartbreaks lead to growth… I am a firm believer that the ones with the biggest hearts are the ones that have had their hearts broken the most. You’ve shed a smaller shell of a heart and created a bigger one in it’s place every time you’ve faced heartbreak.

Heartbreak can be isolating, too. I think we all need that at one time or another in our lives though. We need to be alone. We need time and space for introspection. We need to get down to the real nitty gritty… the core of our true selves. We need to understand who we are, who we want to become, and what we really need in life.

You peel back the layers… of your past, your thought processes, your beliefs. You assess yourself. And in the process, you learn a lot about yourself and what you truly want and need in a relationship.

Moral of the story: If you’ve been hurt (or are currently hurting) don’t let that push you away from the potential of love. Don’t write it off. Don’t let heartbreak close you off. Let your heart break open. Remain open to love. It’s worth the risk to take a chance on someone. It could absolutely lead to love… and a lifetime of it. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay. You cry, you pick up the pieces, and you begin again.

Despite heartbreak, I still choose love. I welcome it with open arms; I don’t run from it. I’d rather say I love you first, than never say it at all. I would rather love and break open, a million times over, than to have never loved at all. I will continue to lean into the unknown + the fear of being hurt if it could lead to love… if the person makes my heart + soul happy. To me, the rewards far outweigh the risks when it comes to love.

So I’ll be over here, leaning into all of the breaks on my heart… I’m not picking up the pieces just yet. I’m still grieving the loss. I am just going to sit here with the hurt and the cracks and let in the light + love.

Xo,

Leta

Gratitude Is A Magnet

Gratitude is a magnet. The more you are grateful for all that you have, the more the Universe will give you to be grateful for. Your continual gratefulness will manifest more blessings in your life.

Don’t believe in manifestation?

Hands at Heart Center, Photo by HMS Photography

Have you ever had a string of incredible “luck”… where all things just keep going right? You meet a cute guy, someone pays for your Starbucks, you win an online contest giveaway. You are so excited and happy and it just keeps coming! A random person at the gym tells you how great you look, you get a stellar deal at your favorite store. Then, an opportunity at work that you’ve been eyeing gets served to you on a silver platter. You manifested this.

And on the contrary, have you ever woken up late (bad start right off the bat) and dwelled on it? And then, in the frantic mess of trying to get ready quickly, stubbed your toe, and then your hair dryer breaks and you’re out of your favorite coffee. All of these bad things keep happening. Then you’re late to work because of traffic. You’re pissed about how the morning has gone and you just think to yourself, “Today is just going to be one of those days.” And then, it is. You manifested this. Had you woken up late and thought, well, from here on out I’ll make it a good day… things could have gone drastically different.

Thoughts become things. Say it with me. On repeat. Daily. Hourly. Whenever you need it.

Thoughts become things. 

Your thoughts shape your reality. You have the power to manifest what you want in life. The law of attraction is always working for you. Your thoughts (positive or negative) will affect your energetic frequency (what you put out into the Universe) and it will come back to you. So when you focus on what you want, you’ll get it. When you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll still get it. Because that’s where your focus is.

Gratitude is a magnet. The more you focus on gratitude for your life, the more the Universe gives you to be grateful for.

Tomorrow, this blog turns 1 year old.

I am so grateful for all of you for supporting me this past year. I promise year two will be bigger, better, and full of more beneficial information and content for you.

As an act of gratitude, I’d like to do a giveaway.

the five-minute journal

I’ll be giving away one Five-Minute Journal. This journal is a way to both start and end the day with gratitude in five short minutes. As I continually preach the benefits of the daily practice of gratitude, I’d love to pay it forward.

To enter, go to my blog Instagram account: @leta.stevens + hit that follow button. Like + comment ONE thing you are grateful for on my post, “Gratitude is a magnet.” That’s it!

Grateful for all of you.

Xo,

Leta

Treat Your Binge Like That Ex That Keeps Coming Back For More

I have already opened up about my struggles with binge eating on the blog, but I think it’s important to continue the discussion, as I know many women (and men) still fight #BED every day. As with any disorder or illness — whether it’s an ED or anxiety & depression, I believe a big part of healing is your mindset. Being kind to yourself is key.

Let’s talk kindness for a minute, okay?

When your best friend comes to you heartbroken, sad, and feeling lost after a breakup… what do you do? You comfort her! You reiterate how amazing she is, how beautiful she is, and you remind her that she deserves to feel like the QUEEN that she really is. You tell her that she is worthy of the BEST love, and she mustn’t settle on a boy who hurts her.

Wait, a breakup? I thought we were talking about binge eating?

Stay with me here — I promise I have a point!

When you’re broken, sad, and feeling lost after a binge… what do you do? You condemn yourself. You dwell in the guilt and the regret. You tell yourself how disgusting you are for binging again, and you continue to think that this is it… there is no way out of the rock bottom that you’ve reached.

Do you see a difference?

After a binge, it is so important to be kind to yourself. If you talked to your best friend the way you talk to yourself after a binge… you’d be friendless.

Now, you might be thinking… okay, Leta, but breakups and binging are two completely different situations.

And you’re right. They are. But what if we approached the situations more similarly?

We’ve all been through those really rough breakups, months have gone by, you’re still a little jaded, and right when things are starting to look up… this ex reappears out of nowhere.

You get a text: “Hey lady, long time no talk. How’ve you been?”

*Cue Lauren Conrad*

Lauren Conrad - The Hills Quote

Excuse me, bro, where did you come from? I was doing so well without you…

All of those breakup emotions come flooding back and here you are trying to figure out what to do… do you text him back? Do you give him the attention he’s looking for? Do you ignore him? Your heart begins to hurt and you don’t know what to do. While he certainly hurt you, there is still a memory of the good times you’ve had with him. Is he just back to playing the field? Trying to keep you on his “bench”? You know how the game goes and you don’t want to fall victim to it again, but… he’s dreamy and gorgeous and a perfect charmer. So you fall into his trap, text him back, have a whirlwind hookup for a few weeks before he tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship and you’re back to square one. Heartbroken, lost, sad, and mad at yourself for falling for your ex after he’s already shown you his true colors.

Now — let’s look at binging.

You probably dieted down for an extended period of time on a very restricted intake. You looked AMAZING and felt even better. You’ve been doing so well mending your relationship with food and eating to nourish your body. Then, this binge comes out of nowhere.

Excuse me, what just happened? But I was doing so well and have been binge-free for months…

All of those post-binge emotions come flooding back and here you are trying to figure out what to do… do you restrict your diet the next day to combat the crazy calories you just inhaled? Do you do an extra hour of cardio to help burn up the calories? [Side note: the answer is NO to BOTH of those questions.] Your heart begins to hurt and you don’t know what to do. You’ve been here before and you know that a binge is anything but comforting. You know how the game goes and you don’t want to fall victim to it again, but… binging is a vicious cycle of guilt and regret. So you fall back into this trap, you restrict for a week and after a week of restriction, you binge again and you’re back to square one. Heartbroken, lost, sad, and mad at yourself for falling back into this cycle of binging despite knowing that the binges never comforts and never heals.

So while breakups and binges are different, maybe the feelings and cyclical nature is not.

What can you do to combat this? If you binge again (here’s hoping you don’t, but if it does happen…) face that binge the way you would that ex that tries to creep back into your life when you’re really done with him.

What would you say to the guy that you’ve FINALLY gotten over + just need out of your life?

“Boy, bye. It took me a long time to get over you. And I am over you. I’m doing just fine without you, you can be on your way. Yes, we have a history — but things aren’t the same anymore. Stop playing with my emotions. I am a damn QUEEN and I deserve to be treated like one. I don’t have time to waste on any man that won’t ADD to my life.”

To a binge, that same message might look like this: “Oh, hello binge… I see you came back… you’re really not welcome here any more. Yes, we have a history — but I’m not the same person anymore. You cannot keep playing games with my head and my emotions. Food is meant to nourish my body, it is not a defense mechanism or a way to heal my wounds. I am a damn QUEEN and I deserve to feel like one. I don’t have time to waste on anything that does not serve me or make me better.”

Then — you talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend after a breakup: “GIRL! You are so loved. You are so worthy. You are so perfect. You are ENOUGH, right here + right now… it doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. You are human. You are flawed. But those flaws and mistakes have helped you create the amazing woman that you are today.”

Binging is triggered by underlying issues. Try to understand what triggers are setting the ball in motion. Instead of beating yourself up over and over again for falling victim to this vicious cycle, try to be kind to yourself + talk to yourself as you would your dearest friend and see how that changes things. Food isn’t the enemy. And you aren’t either.

 

Xo,

Leta

Missed my first post on my struggles with binging? Read it here.