One day you think you know what you want. You are just so sure that this is the path to your happy ending. And… the next thing you know, you are waking up with your sights set on a completely different dream. It is reminiscent of a fork in the road. Do you go left? Do you go right? Do you just stay put out of fear? As you find yourself torn between two destinations (or maybe even multiple destinations), you may think that you are stuck; that you cannot make such a drastic change or that you simply cannot change your mind at this point in your life. Not sure what I’m talking about? Let me elaborate on the internal battles that I have been facing in the last few months.
Over the last year and a half, I have a created a following on Instagram and Facebook, marketing myself as an NPC bikini competitor and bodybuilding athlete in the hopes of making a name for myself in the fitness industry. Competing, after all, is what I love to do. It is my passion. It makes me feel alive.
However, lately, while working on a reverse diet I have wondered if it would be more beneficial for me to take the 2016 season off and put competing on hold. This would allow me to continue to build my physique, increase my metabolism, and most of all, it would give me the flexibility to live a little.
I have always been the girl with the “I want it all” mentality. I want to travel and go to new places. I want to enjoy nights out with my friends. I want to spend time with family. I want to try new things and go on new adventures. I want to do all of this without affecting my workout routine or meal plan. Unfortunately, that is not how the bodybuilding world works. I cannot compete and do all of these other things. Bodybuilding is an every second of every day kind of job (on top of my full-time corporate retail career).
I so badly want to be both a normal person and a bodybuilder. So what do I do? Honestly, right now, I don’t know what I’ll do. There are a lot of pros and cons to weigh. In each situation, I am giving up one thing that I want for another (even if only temporarily). So which one do I want more? Again, right now, I am not sure.
When you are lost… what do you do? I had myself a nice little cry and went to the one person who I knew could talk some sense into me. I called my mother. I am telling you now… that woman is a saint. She always knows the right things to say.
She reminded me that the following I have built on social media is not solely based on my physical features or what my body looks like. It is because of the way that I talk to people. It’s the way that I can inspire and motivate my followers. She also reminded me that I need to continue to practice what I preach. I believe her exact words were, “we teach others what we most need to learn.” I am a big advocate of self-love on social media, and while I strive for it in my personal life, there are definitely times that I struggle.
I absolutely feel a need to keep up with appearances, because I have such a strong connection with my followers and I want to continue to lead by example. But there are many days that I strongly wish I was “normal” with a normal life and could just live. My mother reminded me that it is okay to change my mind. It is okay to stop competing and focus on a healthy balance and just living life. She also reminded me that it is okay to choose competing over a social life, travel, and other experiences that I desire. Her point? I have a choice. I always have a choice.
Are the choices that you are making based off of what will make you the happiest? Or are you making decisions based off of what will make everyone else happy? Are your decisions driven by fear? Or the expectations others have placed on you? Do not make choices because you are scared of what others may say or think. Do not make choices to prove a point to anyone. Let the choices you make be driven by what is in your heart. Choose happiness. Choose what will put a smile on your face and a fire in your soul. You are allowed to change your mind as many times as you would like. You can be who you want to be. You can do whatever you would like to do.
What fuels your flames? Let that be your guide. Your happiness is what matters most. This is YOUR life. It is never too late to make a change or go after a different dream.
As for me, I’m going to take it day-by-day. The stage has my heart and I don’t think that I can stay away for too long, but on the other hand, I have the strongest urge to spend more time traveling, going on new adventures, and seeing my family (who all live across the country). I don’t have to make up my mind quite yet. So until then I want to wake up every day choosing HAPPINESS. I will let the choices of my day be lead by my heart and my soul.
I hope you do the same.